Fears

I was feeling alright. Everything was cool, working just fine.

Then, I wake up today with a sense of dread. I couldn't sleep well, I couldn't regain that previous peace of mind.

I feel I'm closer than I've ever been to definitely shaping my future. In a matter of weeks a lot could happen.

So, I guess feeling a little restless is not so weird after all.

I'm worried, though, because I think I dread succeeding as much as failing.

You see, I'm not used to this... I've stopped expecting things to work out fine for me a long time ago, and mostly I've been right in doing so.

So, basically, I'm afraid of not being accepted. I'm afraid of not being good, likable, smart enough.

And then, I'm also scared this might not be a good thing. What if I realize that's not where I want to be?

So, apparently I'm 20+ years but I didn't want to grow up. Choosing, being chosen, taking risks, being aware that every action has consequences... it's all so intimidating.

It's like being a 5 year old again, but this time, when I try to learn to ride a bike, there's just no one to catch me if I fall.